After yesterday’s serious post about Chick-Fil-A, I was in the mood for something less serious. And I like Facebook. I do. By all means, please add me on Facebook and let’s be Facebook friends.
But may I vent a minute? These 7 things almost make me long for the homemade-HTML-and-spam of Myspace. (Almost.)
1. People adding you to groups without asking.
That’s right, Facebook allows your friends to add you to groups without permission. It’s like the virtual equivalent of suddenly teleporting you to a party when you were just sitting at home watching TV in your pajamas.
It’s insidious; one day you log on and there are all these emails in your inbox with [Dr-Who-Meets-Battlestar-Galactica-Fan-Fic] in the subject line and there you are going, “Where am I, what the heck is going on, and what in the world is a TARDIS?”
Friends, if there’s something on Facebook you think I’d enjoy, just send me an invitation and let me add myself.
2. Apps sending you requests you don’t want.
- “Joe Schmoe has sent you a request in NetworkingApp.”
- “Suzy Q posted a question about you in FriendQuizApp! Find out what it is!”
- “Jane Doe wants your help hunting snipes in SnipeHuntingApp! Join now to get 5,000 Snipe Points and a virtual mulberry bush!”
Seriously, when did my friends turn into purveyors of spam?
3. Context-free status updates.
It’s not that “Why me?” isn’t a good question to ask now and then, but if that’s your entire status update, it makes me wonder what kind of horrible friend I’ve been to have no idea what’s going on, especially since 10 of your other friends already “liked” this update and there’s no other indication on your wall. Am I really that out of the loop? (I’m waiting for this to become a reality.)
4. “I’m cleaning out my friends list. If you want to stay my friend, answer this questionnaire.”
You know how friends don’t let friends drive drunk? Friends also don’t make friends answer Facebook surveys.
5. Links to articles you can’t read without signing up for the app.
Facebook: “Dan TheMan is reading an article on CoolNewsSite: ’10 Reasons Beets Are Cooler Than You Thought’”
Me: “Ooh, that sounds like an interesting article. I’ve never liked beets. Maybe this article will expand my horizons and change my mind!”
My Mouse: *click*
Facebook: “To see this article, click ‘Allow’ to allow CoolNewsSiteApp to harvest your personal information and spam all your friends every time you read an article on their site from now on! Muhuhuhahahahahahaaaaaa!”
Me: “Sorry, beets. Maybe next time.”
6. Tagging you in birthday calendars.
Thankfully, these seem to have fallen out of fashion recently, but man, there’s nothing quite like logging onto Facebook to find that half of the “pictures of you” listed on your account are actually calendars or other internet images featuring your name or profile pic alongside a bunch of people you’ve never met.
7. Mass private messages.
From: Bud Buddy
To: You and 267 Others
Subject: This Cool Thing
Hi everyone! I had this thing I wanted to tell you about so I thought I’d include all of you on one giant Facebook message! Now if each of you could post a simple response, like ‘Cool!’ or ‘Thanks!’ or ‘How do I remove myself from this?’ within the next couple of hours, we can really blow up some people’s phones and make them wish they never installed the Facebook mobile app! Ready? Go!
Those are my top 7; what are yours?
